I want some false eyelashes.

You just waltzed back in my life like you deserved to be here or something. You could have come back anytime, anytime before now. But you waited and waited. And you know what? It’s too late. I kept waiting for you to come back, and you didn’t. You never came back, until now. Anytime before now I would have welcomed you back with open arms. But you’re too late this time. I gave you more than enough chances to make things right and you didn’t. I opened myself up to get cut wide open. I finally moved on. I’m happy and I don’t need you anymore. That’s something I never though I’d say. I’m sorry if I’m not ready to throw all of that away to let you back in and make me look like a fool when you fuck me over. Again. I can’t put myself through that again. You can’t erase the past. The way we are now, is not my fault. I didn’t cheat, lie, or push you away. You did this to yourself. I’m sorry if you can’t find anyone who amounts to me, which you probably won’t, but it’s your own doing. I’m not saying this out of spite or pity or anger even. I’m saying this because I know that no girl will ever amount to what I was for you, what you were for me. No girl will ever connect and feel for you the way I did. Maybe that same will go for me. There’s never going to be another guy that is just like you, who loved me like you did. But I’m ready to move on, to experience what else is out there. I can’t put myself through what you did to me again. I need change. If we’re meant to be, we’ll find each other again one day and maybe I’m fall madly in love with you again, just like before. If not, I really hope you find happiness in the decisions you made, because God knows I would never have chosen this for us. But I also can’t fix what you created, and I don’t want to anymore.

Multiple Lists of Multiple Things.

#1. Things I am pleased with:

• My extreme success in cleaning today.
• My dad finally making so much progress in getting our house built.
• Having a good Summer Break thus far.
• Being able to swim and spend time with my family today.
• Finally feeling happy and content at the place I've arrived to in my life.
• How much I've grown as a person.
• Becoming closer to so many different people.

#2. Things I am excited for:

• Being able to drive by myself, hopefully soon.
• Moving into our new house this fall.
• Band camp.
• Finishing this fourth notebook of mine.
• Getting my hair redone.
• Going shopping once mom has some money for me.
• Getting new glasses for the first time in years!
• My schedule for Junior year.
• Convincing my father to get me a cellular device that works correctly.
• Finding a job!

#3. Things I like about myself:

• How I feel like I've grown into a more mature and better person this past year.
• I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin, wide hips and all.
• I try to be a good friend and hear both sides of all stories.
• I try to be accepting and not judge.
• I try to be a good influence to other people.
• I don't want to sound vain, but I think I'm to the point where I actually feel like I'm pretty. I enjoy being able to say that and mean it.  (:

I'm tired of not having any money.

I've got 17 cents to my name.

That's all the money I have. Sigh. Well, it's finally here. May 27, 2011. I've been wishing for this day to get here for so long, and now I'm not sure that I know what to do. I mean, graduation was over less than two hours ago, but it is now summer, and I think I've forgotten what summer is like. I'm not used to just not doing anything. I think I'm ready to get back into that habit until July.

It's ten twenty-four on a Friday night, the first night of summer, and I'm sitting here on the internet blogging, fighting to stay awake. Why I'm so tired I don't know, but everything else? I'm happy with. I bitched about this past school year a lot, but when I look at it, it wasn't terrible. It was living and learning. A few large unpleasant things happened, but I have so many more small happy memories to look back on and laugh at. I'm glad that my group of friends is all getting closer again. I'm glad that we're accepting of one another. I like that we're smart. I like that we want to stay together the best we can after we get out of this hell of a high school. I like it. I'm excited for the adventures that we've yet to have. I'm anticipating greatness, I just hope that it follows through.

Dedications for the Good:
Sarah Adkins.
Lauren Burk.
Jessica Burk.
Megan Gray.
Olivia Mingus.
Brandi Miller.
Kyle Jackson.
Jared Morris.
Ethan DeWitt.
Kirk Aldridge.
Sarah Corely.
Coreena O'Bryan.
Kristin Emmick.
Bradley Chapman.
Kara Wagner.
Mom.
Dad.
Duckie.
Haley Ferguson.
Alexis Weedman.

I think I got most of them, but like I've said, I'm tired and therefore prone to leaving people out.

I'm officially a Junior. That scares the hell out of me.
I'm excited.

What To Say,

I don't know what to say really. I feel like I have this need to blog at this very moment, but I honest to god, don't have anything to say. I'm content. 

I am content.

I have little to no emotional baggage to carry around.

I have great friends.

My parents and I don't get along all of the time, but they're always there for me.

There's a week of school left.

I've become closer to a lot of different people this past year.

I have a car.

I have a new clarinet.

I overcame my problems.

I do things for myself now.

I'm happy with this.

I'm proud.

I like who I am

http://youmakeherhappy.tumblr.com/

Parker, I don’t care if you see this because you now have found my Tumblr. I just don’t care anymore. As much as I love you, or thought that I loved you, it wasn’t good. It was not good. For either of us. I was tired of hurting. I’ve been hurting since November, and before that, since June, and before that since December. I guess what I’m saying is, was that I know that things had changed for the both of us in those three weeks off, and that’s why I was willing to give it, the third, and final shot. And it was worse than before. I. Was Tired. Of Hurting. I was tired of fighting all of the time, and not talking for days on end because we were both so pissed at the other. I was tired of my friends getting hurt, watching our relationship. I was tired of seeing you hurt even. I know that all each of us wanted was to be loved, and no that is not too much to ask. I’m sorry that it hurts, but no, I’m not sorry that I’ve once and for all come to the realization that you are not good for me as a boyfriend, and I am not good for you as a girlfriend. I may not know what I need in a guy as of right now, but I do know the things that I don’t need. And that would be the things that I went through with you for the past six months. I learned how to be happy without you. I just hope that you learn how to be happy without me. It may not seem like it, but I don’t like watching you hurt. I don’t like you telling me that I was all you had, the only one that hadn’t left. What you don’t get, was that you never really had me. Because I didn’t even have myself. Sometimes, within the past week, I’ve felt like I’ve been slipping again, and I don’t know what to blame. Most would say that it was us. I hate knowing that it probably was. I know how we are, I know that we won’t talk for a while. I know that. I think it’s stupid that you deleted your Facebook, and called Chelsea and went to the boatdock. I hate how you overreact. I hate it. I hate a lot of things, but I liked a lot too. But, it’s over Parker. I can’t fix us anymore. I can’t. And you can’t either. I’m still here if you ever need me, even if you’ve always been to stubborn to straight up ask for help. Oh well I guess. I can’t change you either. I’m sorry that we didn’t work. I hope that your Dad turns up. I hope that work doesn’t suck this summer. I hope you end up happy. That’s really all I can say. Other than in it’s own sick and twisted way, I think we loved each other.  

Stop The Hate.

Don't Discriminate.

I am so sick of people being rude to gay people. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing. In fact, I think that they're the strongest people in this world. When you admit to being gay, you accept that you may be bullied and judged for who you love, but you do it anyway and stay true to yourself. So no, being gay is not stupid either. Get over it and look at the facts. They're a lot stronger than you will ever be. All love is love.

And Religion.

I just don't think that if there really was a God that he would hate/punish someone because of who they love. I mean, isn't he supposed to love and forgive everyone no matter what? Yeah. Exactly. It's stupid to say that God hates Gays. In reality, most gay people I know are really good people. So get over your issues, love is love and you can love whoever you want to. Who are they to try and stop you from that?

I don't want to believe in something that won't except everyone for who they are.
It's not right.


I am sick and tired of people degrading one another based on looks, sexuality, income, social status and intelligence. None of it fucking matters. We're all people and we need to be loved.