I've got 17 cents to my name.

That's all the money I have. Sigh. Well, it's finally here. May 27, 2011. I've been wishing for this day to get here for so long, and now I'm not sure that I know what to do. I mean, graduation was over less than two hours ago, but it is now summer, and I think I've forgotten what summer is like. I'm not used to just not doing anything. I think I'm ready to get back into that habit until July.

It's ten twenty-four on a Friday night, the first night of summer, and I'm sitting here on the internet blogging, fighting to stay awake. Why I'm so tired I don't know, but everything else? I'm happy with. I bitched about this past school year a lot, but when I look at it, it wasn't terrible. It was living and learning. A few large unpleasant things happened, but I have so many more small happy memories to look back on and laugh at. I'm glad that my group of friends is all getting closer again. I'm glad that we're accepting of one another. I like that we're smart. I like that we want to stay together the best we can after we get out of this hell of a high school. I like it. I'm excited for the adventures that we've yet to have. I'm anticipating greatness, I just hope that it follows through.

Dedications for the Good:
Sarah Adkins.
Lauren Burk.
Jessica Burk.
Megan Gray.
Olivia Mingus.
Brandi Miller.
Kyle Jackson.
Jared Morris.
Ethan DeWitt.
Kirk Aldridge.
Sarah Corely.
Coreena O'Bryan.
Kristin Emmick.
Bradley Chapman.
Kara Wagner.
Mom.
Dad.
Duckie.
Haley Ferguson.
Alexis Weedman.

I think I got most of them, but like I've said, I'm tired and therefore prone to leaving people out.

I'm officially a Junior. That scares the hell out of me.
I'm excited.

What To Say,

I don't know what to say really. I feel like I have this need to blog at this very moment, but I honest to god, don't have anything to say. I'm content. 

I am content.

I have little to no emotional baggage to carry around.

I have great friends.

My parents and I don't get along all of the time, but they're always there for me.

There's a week of school left.

I've become closer to a lot of different people this past year.

I have a car.

I have a new clarinet.

I overcame my problems.

I do things for myself now.

I'm happy with this.

I'm proud.

I like who I am

http://youmakeherhappy.tumblr.com/

Parker, I don’t care if you see this because you now have found my Tumblr. I just don’t care anymore. As much as I love you, or thought that I loved you, it wasn’t good. It was not good. For either of us. I was tired of hurting. I’ve been hurting since November, and before that, since June, and before that since December. I guess what I’m saying is, was that I know that things had changed for the both of us in those three weeks off, and that’s why I was willing to give it, the third, and final shot. And it was worse than before. I. Was Tired. Of Hurting. I was tired of fighting all of the time, and not talking for days on end because we were both so pissed at the other. I was tired of my friends getting hurt, watching our relationship. I was tired of seeing you hurt even. I know that all each of us wanted was to be loved, and no that is not too much to ask. I’m sorry that it hurts, but no, I’m not sorry that I’ve once and for all come to the realization that you are not good for me as a boyfriend, and I am not good for you as a girlfriend. I may not know what I need in a guy as of right now, but I do know the things that I don’t need. And that would be the things that I went through with you for the past six months. I learned how to be happy without you. I just hope that you learn how to be happy without me. It may not seem like it, but I don’t like watching you hurt. I don’t like you telling me that I was all you had, the only one that hadn’t left. What you don’t get, was that you never really had me. Because I didn’t even have myself. Sometimes, within the past week, I’ve felt like I’ve been slipping again, and I don’t know what to blame. Most would say that it was us. I hate knowing that it probably was. I know how we are, I know that we won’t talk for a while. I know that. I think it’s stupid that you deleted your Facebook, and called Chelsea and went to the boatdock. I hate how you overreact. I hate it. I hate a lot of things, but I liked a lot too. But, it’s over Parker. I can’t fix us anymore. I can’t. And you can’t either. I’m still here if you ever need me, even if you’ve always been to stubborn to straight up ask for help. Oh well I guess. I can’t change you either. I’m sorry that we didn’t work. I hope that your Dad turns up. I hope that work doesn’t suck this summer. I hope you end up happy. That’s really all I can say. Other than in it’s own sick and twisted way, I think we loved each other.  

Stop The Hate.

Don't Discriminate.

I am so sick of people being rude to gay people. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing. In fact, I think that they're the strongest people in this world. When you admit to being gay, you accept that you may be bullied and judged for who you love, but you do it anyway and stay true to yourself. So no, being gay is not stupid either. Get over it and look at the facts. They're a lot stronger than you will ever be. All love is love.

And Religion.

I just don't think that if there really was a God that he would hate/punish someone because of who they love. I mean, isn't he supposed to love and forgive everyone no matter what? Yeah. Exactly. It's stupid to say that God hates Gays. In reality, most gay people I know are really good people. So get over your issues, love is love and you can love whoever you want to. Who are they to try and stop you from that?

I don't want to believe in something that won't except everyone for who they are.
It's not right.


I am sick and tired of people degrading one another based on looks, sexuality, income, social status and intelligence. None of it fucking matters. We're all people and we need to be loved.

You Can Beat This.

So today was Tumblr's "Wear your heart on your sleeve day." Of course I participated. It was for preventing depression, self harm and suicide. Well, a lot of my friends and I did it. I was proud of them. What pissed me off though was this one girl, who is normally really sweet to me, said that she thought people that self harmed and were depressed were stupid. I bit my tongue, and it was probably for the better because I may have said several things that were to be regretted. I'm pretty open with my life now, and I'll tell you that I'm on Anit-Depressants for depression as well as to keep my Anxiety under control. I'll tell you that I used to cut. I'll tell you all of that. Yes, it is really really stupid to feel that way, but that doesn't mean that you can help it. I participate in so many of those things because it hits really hard with me. I just want people to know that you can overcome it, and you can beat it. I want people to know that you're not stupid. I want them to know that it's okay to tell someone, and to get help. It took over a year for me to finally reach out and say "I can't do this on my own anymore." And let me tell you, it was hard, but I'm so glad that I took that step. It has helped me in so many way. I am here for any of you that read this. If you feel that way, please tell me, I'll understand if you don't want to, but I'm just saying that I want you to get better because we all deserve to get better and be happy. I'm learning how to be happy again and it's the best feeling that I've had it a long, long time. So no. No. Depression, Self-Harm, and Suicide is not stupid. It's real. And you can beat it. I promise you that.

So, I started a new notebook last night, and I think I like it. It's so clean and new. But, I don't really know what I'm going to do with the other one? It's full of so much, and I've had it with me for so long. I feel like it carries a lot of baggage, and I know that I just need to focus on continuing to turn and fill up the pages of this new notebook, and let the old one and all of those old feelings go. I know that I'm probably reading into that too much, but it's just how I feel at the moment.

& I just had my Tumblr post all of my blog links to there so you can read them, or just follow me on tumblr. (:
youmakeherhappy.tumblr.com.

Enjoy.
Not much else is going on in my life other than trying (and succeeding) in being happy.
Well, I did decide to not do my homework tonight, but that's just because I hate Geometry and got most of it done in class. Anyway. Yeah, I don't have many meaningful things to post, and I really don't know who even reads this anymore. Oh well, hi to whoever. I love you! Keep Smiling!

I finally feel like I'm moving forward in my life. I fee like I'm finally to a point where I can say that I'm happy. I'm happy with who I am, and even thought they weren't always the best I'm rpoud of the choices that I've made. I'm proud of the friends I have, and very thankful for them, by the way. I'm just happy. I'm looking forward to getting back into life all of the way. And I can't wait to tell you all about it.

I finally realized that I don't need you like I thought I did.
I got here without you.
And it feels damn good to be able to say that.
I did this.
Me.
Not you.
Not us.
Me.
It was me reaching out saying that no, no I couldn't take it anymore, and I needed help.
None of that was you.
None of it.


I'm happy.
& I did that without you too.