Secret #3.

I need better self confidence. I'm not near as strong as you think I am.






This is also my 100th post, blogspot, thanks for letting me rant about everything. (:

Secret #2.

You get inside me head more than anyone I've ever met before in my life.

Secret #1.

I don't know who I am anymore.

You're Not Fat,

"You just have wide hips."
"I'm aware of my hips!"
"I like them!"
"You're pretty, and yes, I know that you're shoving food in your mouth, but I always think you're pretty."
"dfgkhzdlgjhjh!"



Hello there. So, we got straight distinguished in Concert Band at Festival on Thursday. Woo! It was a happy day.

Best Part: Eating At New China.

Wanna know why? Yeah, my boyfriend shoots spitballs at me every time we go to an actual restaurant. Oh well. Anyway, so on this particular day, he had been on a roll with shooting me in the face with said spit balls, and the next thing you know, one lands in my mouth. Yeah, it's not that big of a deal, it's just ParkerSaliva, I just found it kind of awkward because I'm a freak? I then proceeded to pretty much cackle for about three minutes. I got revenge by shoving a creme puff in his face ten minutes later. And that, that is why we don't go out in public, Parker dear, that is why. Society  can suck it though, because I love you. (:


Not-So-Great-Friday: Dad.

Daddy, I really wish that you could tell me that I just messed up and to not forget next time, and not lecture me to the point where I feel no good and I'm just sitting there at the table crying, trying to not hyperventilate because I really do try. I just, I wish I could feel like I was good enough for once you know?


Shout outs:

Lauren Brown: You're simply my best friend. I love you. I want you to know that you're not alone, and that I'll be there whenever you need me when you get your gallbladder out on Thursday afternoon. I'm going to force my parents to let me come see you, because I need you, I need to know that you're okay so you can get better. I went almost two days without talking to you and I felt lost and confused. I love you so much sweetheart. Don't believe the things that you feel at night when I can't be there with you. Don't you dare believe them for one second. You're too beautiful to feel that way. I love you Piglet.

Alexis Weedman: Hi, I miss you. I'm really glad that we're getting so close. You've helped me open up to so much in just the past week. I love you, I love how you make me feel so positive when I don't even want to try and smile anymore. I love that you and Jake were smart enough to come to the decision that you need to stop hurting yourselves because you can't see each other like how you need to. I like you.

Tabitha Frowen: I love you so much sister. I may be able to get the matching nail polish today, Dad gave me four bucks for babysitting. I love that I can tell you everything. I love you that you understand me, I love that you get all that I tell you. You're just the best. & I miss you,

Parker Findlay: Don't even get me started about you. I love you. I don't like to think about going through a day without you. You're my best friend, and I spend the most time with you, but it never feels like it's enough.

Megan Gray: Pamela. I just miss you. You're beautiful. & I love you, you Red Velvet Head. You make me smile.

i want to feel like this everyday.


not just sometimes. 

this isn't going to be long at all because I have to leave for school soon, but yesterday was a good day.
No threats.

all the pretty girls. 

& tire swing.

These songs make me so happy.

Have a good day kids,

I love you.

Chin up. ♥

How To Tie A Tie.

Self Improvement.
New Goal: No more death threats.

Reasoning: I'm tired of being this way. And I crossed the line this time, so I will change. I will. I am.

I hate that I had to cross that line to see how bad I had been acting, but I crossed it, and I'm making amends. If you love someone, you don't say bad things like that to them. You tell them that you love them and you prove it.

I know that I rant about him a lot on here, but this is my blog and I can type as I please,

Parker, I don't even know if you'll read this, and I know that I must have apologized a hundred times in the past two days, but, I love you. And I don't want you to die in a car accident. Ever. I want you here with me, safe and sound because that's where you need to be. I don't want to be so angry all of the time so I don't say things like that out of nowhere because you never do anything like that to me.

I'm trying. I really am.

How To Tie A Tie:

	1) Start with the wide end ("W") of your necktie on the right, extending about 12 inches below the narrow end ("N") on the left.
	2) Then cross the wide end over the narrow end.
	3) Bring the wide end around and behind the narrow end.
	4) Then bring the wide end up.
	5) Pull the wide end through the loop and to the right.
	6) Bring the wide end around front, over the narrow end from right to left.
	7) Again, bring the wide end up and through the loop.
	8) Then, bring the wide end down through the knot in front.
	9) And -- using both hands -- tighten the knot carefully and draw it up to the collar.

http://www.tie-a-tie.net/halfwindsor.html






It's a tough life to live. So I think that's why we come to realize that we can't ever make it alone.

We need each other.

Parker Findlay.

Lauren Brown.

Tabitha Frowen.

Alexis Weedman.

You've all really gotten me through this week alone.

I love you all so much.

don'tyouknowthatyoushinebrigherthananyonedoes? ♥

Today. Today was good.
I drove home with the window's down.
Happy Four Months.