& This is the place,

Where I come to spill my guts.

Yeah, I'm back. I was grounded for three days, and I really just don't want to go into it right now. I mean, what would I say anyway? My dad and I just don't get along. That's pretty much it. He doesn't get what it's like to be me and I don't get what it's like to be him. He doesn't know what it's like to give out the talk that keeps people alive, and I don't know what it's like to pay bills and manage money for four people. He doesn't know what it's like to be an almost sixteen year old girl with over protective parents, and I don't know what it's like to have to protect someone that you've taken care of their whole life, and all of a sudden, they don't need you as much as they used to. We don't know what that's like for each other. Sometimes, I wish that we had a better line of communication. Actually, I wish that all of the time, because I love that Jess can go to Ronnie over anything and my dad and I struggle to have the whole "Hey, how was your day?" conversation. It frustrates me mainly because no matter how different we are, we're way too much alike for our own good. We both have communication issues, but mine aren't that severe witht the people that I'm closest too. We're both too stubborn to sit down and have that talk, but we know that there's that wall between us, and maybe, just maybe, it'll come tumbling down and it'll be like when I was little again.

Speaking of which, I really miss being little. I turn sixteen on Monday, and I know that I'm going to come home that afternoon and just cry my eyes out. I really don't want to grow up. I hate it. It drives me nuts that I spent so much of my childhood dreaming of the day that is coming three days from now. I mean, if I had one wish, I'd probably be to just go back and relive everything. I wouldn't change anything because then, I probaby wouldn't be where I am now, and no matter what's been going on recently, I like now. But just to go back and relive those years? It'd be amazing for me. Yeah, I made some really stupid choices here and there, and I got pretty messed up emotionally, being friends with people that brought me down for so long, but because of that, I'm here now. I have the best friends in the world. I have a boyfriend that I really like, and yeah, we're not the best sometimes, but we're human we still like each other and that's what matters to me. My mom and I have a better relationship now, we talk about a lot more stuff than we used to. I'm more open with my problems to those who are closest to me. I care more about helping other people overcome their issues now, because I can relate to them. I have good grades, and great teachers. And I have a ten year old brother that I get along with really well for the most part.

I may have anxiety issues, and I may have intense mood swings, and I may have to talk myself out of panic attacks, but you know what? I've came a long way, and I'm proud of myself for that. I'm part of a band that loves me for every bit of what I just mentioned, and they keep me going, and they make me happy, and I spend a lot of time with them. Yeah, I'm just me. That's really all I can give you, even if I'm really screwed up sometimes. & You know what? If you ever need someone to talk to? I'll be here.


"I was hiding under your porch because I love you!"
We love Up & Mr.Benningfield.

Skiing wasn't exactly for us, but we got a laugh out of it in the end.

We're happy.

Isn't that what counts?