Okay, so I know that I should be thankful for all that I have in my life, but listening to my parents talk about how proud they are that my cousin got his permit in Friday just really made me sick. Jarrett is a freshman. He turned sixteen in November. He got held back in elementary school. Yeah, I'm happy that he got it and all, because it feels good to finally have that privilege, you know? But when my mom was talking to my aunt about it on the phone, hearing her offer to take him driving and that she'd probably be more calm with him than she is me, it just really pissed me off. I mean, we've been taking care of their family for as long as I can remember. We take him school shopping with us almost every year, and we don't have a lot of extra money, but mom always spots him some extra stuff so he can get by longer you know? I just thought that that made my mom a really good person. I feel really selfish for being so pissed off about this, but you know what? I am. Jarrett chews tobacco, he drinks, he's broken into a house before. And it just makes me so angry that here I am, the same age, in the same family and a complete opposite and my parents get me most of the things that I ask for and I'm happy. And then, they take money that we don't really have to spare and buy my aunts kids clothes and shoes and stuff. It just pisses me off to no extent. I hate my uncle. I hate him. He doesn't do anything for my aunt. Nothing. He's a bad father, and a bad husband. My aunt, she used to be really good. I remember those days. Back when I was little and she tried. She worked and it worked for her. It was good then. Two kids later and it seems that she's just given up, and my mom and dad are taking the rebound is what it feels like. I just got a $200 prom dress, and $600 clarinet, my permit, and about $9000 dollars worth of hospital bills paid for. God. I have so so much, and I should be happy that my parents are good people and want to help. But I feel like they leave me in the dust to make sure that they're okay sometimes. It sucks. I love them. I love them all so much, I have so much to be thankful for. I just feel like Jarrett is going to throw his life away doing all  of that dumb shit that I don't think twice about doing, and then they go and spend money to make sure that he's doing okay? It pisses me off. I could've gotten a new pair of shoes, which I honestly haven't gotten since the beginning of  my freshman year because I didn't need them then, but now they're falling apart. Mom could've gotten a new pair of pants because she only has three good pair to wear to work. Duckling could've gotten longer jeans because he's growing so fast. And, I feel like they're giving their money away to someone that just takes it for granted, leaving us behind sometimes.


I'm sorry Mom, if you ever read this. I just had to let it out somewhere.
I love you. & Thank you for everything.