The Last Song

I'm going to be creepy and just listen to Mr.Brightside acoustic for the last half an hour of 2010. BECAUSE I AM A CREEP.

Goals for 2011:
1. Be Happy. Don't be such a pessimist Ha.
2. Don't try so hard for people that don't give a damn about you.
3. Don't fail Geometry & Chemistry A. Apply myself.
4. Don't let things slip through your hands anymore. Try. If you want it. Make it happen.
5. KICK EMILY REARDENS ASS AT BAND AND NEVER LET HER STOP YOU. This is fact, and needs to be done for the good of mankind.
6. Go a little crazy, Ha. Live.
7. I want Summer 2011 to be the best one of my life. I'm determined to make this happen.
8. Keep a decent relationship. I'd like it to be the current one. I'd like to make it more than two months.

Goodbye, 2010. I love you. You taught me a lot about life and myself as a person.
-Ha/Hanner/Wichita/Waldo/Whatever Else I answer to.
♥ 

iwokeupwantingtokissyou.

When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults. You don't look for answers. You don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes. You accept the faults and overlook the excuses. The measure of love is when you love without measure. There are rare chances that you will meet the person you love and who loves you in return. So once you have it, don't ever let go. There chance might never come your way again.

I want someone who won't care that I hate wearing shoes, that I'm incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning, and I refuse to be ladylike. Someone who realizes that half the decisions I make I usually regret, and I have the right to overreact at any given moment. I want someone who knows how completely insane I am, and he wouldn't want me any other way.

They were in love. You could tell just by the way they looked at each other, like they had the most wonderful secret in the world between them.

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't. Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't? You fall deeper with each passing day, but try to hide it in every possible way. He's only a friend, and nothing else, that's the lie you keeping telling yourself. You keep on saying he's just a bud, but deep inside, you're falling in love. You get so giddy when you meet his eyes, but keep reminding yourself it isn't right. A simple glance turns into a stare, but you pretend that you don't care. It's "not right" for you two to be. Is that why you hide it so no one can see? But how long will you pretend, keep lying that he's just a friend. Perhaps your feelings you can never show. Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know. Your friendship can't be risked over this, So being his girl is an impossible wish.

Last day of 2010 and I'm spending it babysitting Duckie. |; I mean, I love my kid and all, but jeeze. BUT! Ha will be optimistic here people. I'm going to call Parker and we're going to talk about senseless things for forever because that's how we do now that I can talk! & I'm going to make my TabieDee feel better and yeah. I'll make it memorable somehow. I have to. It's been a great year. I can't let it go down in pessimism! Quote Picture Time? Yes. (:

I don't get attached. I don't want a relationship unless you can prove to me you're not all the same. No, your words don't mean shit to me. No, I don't trust you. No, I don't believe you. Promises are nothing but empty words to me. I know I'm not your one & only so don't tell me I am. No, my smile doesn't make your day. No, my laughter isn't music to your ears. No, I'm not too good to be true so start with the truth. If I'm what you want, tell me why & tell me often. Tell me you love me, but only if you mean it.













I miss you, but I can't think of a better person that I'd like to waste the last hours of 2010 on the phone with. I'll see you soon, dear. I     promise.

"Hey, Hannah? You mean more to me than anything I can comprehend right now, I miss you so much . And you're really beautiful. Imagine me hugging you right now." &That's the IM I just got from you.
Oh dear boy. I miss you like I missed food for those nine days and more.

Kordell Cornwell.

I love my best friend. End of Story. She's pretty Beautiful, and I think this conversation needs to be broadcasted to you. (:

So she sends me this link, and this is the guys profile picture:
Kordell Cornwell. We have two mutual friends? SCORE. But I'm not going to add him. o.O

Lauren: Just his name makes me laugh.

Me: Well, that and the fact that his default is a muscular black man, that I may end up mistaking for Jessica, next to a rather short white guy that would probably be Steven Sigler. 
(:

Lauren: I really enjoy this black man. I wish I could stalk him,

Me: I was tempted to poke him..but refrained because that is mucho creepy, even on my scale, and that's where peeking in the window's is when someone loves you. & I'm glad you quit panicking! I was debating on walking to your house at one in the morning because I couldn't sleep and I miss you, but it was raining and I was in shorts and a t-shirt. Plus Mother was irritable. 

Lauren: I would have met you half way. I was panicking until about 3 am. Then waking up in the middle of the night, constantly to check my phone with NO phone calls.

Me: ME TOO. I was going to call you, but I Che had told me that your phone was still dead, and I didn't want to wake up your family in the dead of the night. 

Lauren: Nope, it's on now. [:

We are just really creepy, you know? But I love it so much. I giggled to no end while typing this. [: SMILE. YOU ARE ALIVE AND I LOVE YOU. I'm lonely. Hit me up, bloggers. (:

I love you, lady.♥

What Goes Around Comes Around.

Oh 2010. You were good. You were bad. Let's recap some? Yeah.

January: Well, I turned 15, had the one of the best birthdays ever and lost my "best friends" all in one day. This was the day/month that I turned my life around to where it is now, and I'm proud of myself. That was when I completely fell apart and put myself where I wanted to be.


February:  I spent Valentines over at Jessica's & we went to go see When In Rome with Megan, Lauren & Katie. So it was good all in all. Jess turned 15, Luke told her he loved her. It was so sweet. We were all happy. Lots of snow days if I do recall.


March: Megan's birthday. We partied at Vastwood, piled up at her house and saw Alive in Wonderland in 3-D. Sucess? I think so. This was really the only highlight I remember of this month. OH! March was also when La and I did our own Crazy Hair day at school with teased hair, sunglasses, absurd eyeshadow and lumberjack shirts, and my huge Zebra/Trash Bag bows on our heads. It was worth every strange stare and question. [:


April: Kristin & Ethan's Birthday's. Pretty hardcore bonfire at Kris's. I miss her. Max and I became friends this month. We hung out at Vastwood all the time, and I might have liked him if it weren't for Willie Chord being a complete douche bag. But I'm not going into that. Because I haven't had a real conversation with Willie since April 16. The day he decided that I wasn't good enough. The day I realized that he wasn't even worth the friendship I thought we had.


May: My band kids that went to NYC were nearly killed by the bomb threat, but they made it home okay. Thank God. I recall getting THE BEST hug ever from Mr. Nicholas Henderson. Parker came home with a katana, and I really missed all of them. Stephanie Wechtenheiser got on the mic on the bus and told everyone that I loved and missed them because I was messaging her over Facebook. I love that lady. Beth graduated, and school let out. Max threw me in the lake at our picnic. Freshman Year was finally over.


June: Cue me not speaking to Nick again. This was the birth of: IWILLCUTYOU. Skye came in for an amazing two weeks. I cut my bangs into straight bangs again, I pretty much lived with La & spent every minute on the phone with Parker. Sweet Summertime. If I could relive a month of this year, it'd be this one. Maybe I'd do somethings differently. Maybe not.


July: Oh Bandcamp. ♥ But that didn't start until the 27th. I dyed a strip of my hair orange with peroxide, [big mistake, I'm debating on dying darker over it as of right now] & that's when I started talking to Clay. Yeah, he was nice while it lasted I guess. But I never really liked him now that I look back on it. Which makes me feel bad. Like I used him. Then, there's July 13th. The day that I kissed both Sam & Clay. & Austin kissed me at band camp just because. But we had a bet going, I just didn't think he'd follow through. This story will never not creep me out. I kind of hate this month looking back. Fag and three quarters. I'm sorry dear readers. I was speaking to Nick again. (I don't know why I'm telling you all of this?)


August: Clay and I officially got together on August 7th. Sophomore year started for me. We all fell into that slump of hating everything, I guess. None of us really cared about anything. We hated going to band practice. We hated Emily. We still hate her though. We still hate our homework and AP Euro still makes Jessica freak out on occasion. It was hot and we were tired.


September: Bradley's Birthday! That was a fun shindig. [: & About all I remember or care to remember of this month. I was with Clay. Which I hate remembering. Because it just all around sucked. For the both of us. I was crap to him. He was crap to me. Although he was much better to me, in his defense.


October: La's Birthday on the 25th. I broke up with Clay that day. I made her a huge card and duct taped it to the locker and shoved it full of balloons. We had Dr.Pepper and brownies at lunch. It made me smile. Prior to the breakup was the Masquerade Party. Which kind of sucked. But it was still fun I guess. Jessica came over because it was Fall Break and we spent all day getting ready and such. That was on the 15th. That was when I pretty much stopped talking to Shelby. & Olivia and I talked about life all night. It was nice. Marching Band State Finals. I kissed Brandon. We all know that was nothing.


November: SKYE CAME♥ Even if it was for only two days, it was amazing. We piled up into my house and partied! Parker painted his face like The Joker, I was Harley Quinn, Megan was Poison Ivy. Most everyone else ran around with one surgical glove on and held their arm in the air. A Wal-Mart/McDonald's run was made. We made brownies that we never ate, and Code Red Mtn.Dew was split all over my wall. Parker and I started dating on the 16th. He turned 17 on the 28th. I'm creepy with my way of remembering dates.


December: Well. Here we are. I got my tonsils taken out. Christmas and missing the boyfriend. That's about it kids. Sorry if I disappointed you all. -Sigh- I'm in a mood. I'm pretty sure if there was one thing that I could do right now, it'd probably be to fall asleep on Parker. Because I fall asleep all the time because I'm a freak, and I just really miss him. </3 I suck.


But that was 2010 for me guys.
I hope it was good or better for you. ♥

At Least Someone's Laughing.

I feel so terrible. My Little Lauren spazzed last night and got upset because people are stupid and I wasn't there. God. People just need to leave things alone. -Sigh- I get so frustrated. & I also feel terrible because Tabitha is all the way in Canada and I can't actually be there to help her. Well. I try. But it doesn't feel like much sometimes. I love you girls. Oh & I want to mention my Lexie, I just love that little lady. She's stronger than a lot of people I know. So this is for you guys. Oh! & My Che. She's my daughter too. (:


1.Lauren Brown: It's gonna work out love. It alway does. I promise. I've been there. Don't let stupid people get to you. You're you and I love you for it. Don't grow up, and don't change, even though I know you didn't plan on it. (: I'm a creep. But I think this is a good picture of you. LOVE ME. I know you do. (: I'll shut up now.

2. TabieDee Frowen: HI. I love you. You just left me a really creepy Wall Post about nothing. It pretty much gave my morning a smile. Do your homework. Ignore stupid boys. I'll handle that later today, by the way. I love you sister. ♥ You're everything wonderful, and nothing less. I promise. You're kind of gorgeous, you know?

3. Alexis Nicole Means: You are fantastic. I miss you? We need to catch up! I don't even know what to say about you, girl. You keep me positive, and you're so strong and I think that you're a lot more mature than most seventh graders. (as in Lauren with the sixth. I'm a creep. You two are like my best friends.) Don't ever drop that smile, sweetheart.

4. Che Armstrong: You know I love you. The End. I'm proud of you. So, so much. I miss you. You're beautiful.

it's days like these,

...That I bum around in my pj's babysitting Duckie, spending all of my time on Facebook, talking to whoever decides to IM me. At this point, it's Max & Little Lauren. Maxwell may stop by to give me my Christmas Gift, (which I'm sure I'll love, because Max is just a great friend, and I miss that boy tons.) & I hope he likes what me and La got for him yesterday. It's a pretty epic Christmas Tie & A jar of Jif peanut butter, because that's what he took for lunch this summer when he worked at Vastwood. Which he claims to hate, but he got paid good money for that job, so I'd be happy.
But I love my Duckling, he's a nice kid. Even though he keeps begging me to watch magic tricks with him on this creepy DVD that he got for Christmas. I've been hard core rambling all morning. Ask Lauren. Poor girl, she gets the worst of my ADD. Even though, I don't really have ADD, I just get easily distracted. LOVE ME. Okay, yeah, I know at least some people do. I was talking to Lauren about how I'm socially awkward because I only talk to like four people on a regular basis. But you know what? I'm happy about that. Because those people keep me a happy girl. & Not fake happy. I'm tired of fake happy. I have been for a while.
OH MY GOD. This is really off topic, but I'm going to completely fail next semester. Chemistry A & Geometry. I'm going to die. Math hates me, and Mrs.Wallace pretty much forced everyone that took Biology  Freshman Year to take Chemistry. Ew. Just ew. I'm going to make Bradley teach me everything. Because he's a Chapman, and one of my best friends. Me and him have a really retarded relationship. I'm just noticing this. Like we can rant to each other about everything for forever and a day and then make really stupid jokes and I beat him up and he calls me a dirty whore man faggot. This is completely pointless. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I suck. [: But it's worth it. Because I'm finally a happy girl, and I like to be happy. I like my best friends, and I like myself and I like my boyfriend, and I like wherever I decide to go in life. Which I need to get back to figuring that out because I don't want to be a big fail. But I'm not even sixteen yet. I just have freak-outs about life all of the time. I need to control my anxiety. -.- Stupid Panic Attacks. Oh well. I'll get there eventually. I hope. I hope this provides at least some entertainment for you all. I have no idea why you read this thing. I LOVE GETTING RANDOM WALL POSTS. They make my day. But yeah, woo! I'm Waldo. Find me? (:
Mom's home! With Turkey! I'm going to make a sammich!
Later Kids! (:

"Don't Play With That"

YOU'LL GO BLIND.

I'm a happy girl right now. I picked up my La, and we went to Wally World and got a crapton of crap for everyone. It was pretty great.

& Then! I ATE MY BOG MAC. & Parker and La came over and we "Watched" Avatar. More like Duckie screamed random things, La took a nap on my bed, and me and Parker did whatever random crap we always do together. As in he abused me with tickles because I'm better, and we sucked helium out of a balloon & Dad took down the Christmas Tree. Good day, kids. Very good day.

OH! So me and La were walking through Wal-Mart going to look for mom and then she walks past us pushing her cart and carrying a five foot tall Christmas Tree. So we follow her, and then she proceeds to walk across the store to the end of the registers and up to Sheila Tucker and put it down, say "Here you go Ms.Sheila!" & Walk away. I don't get that woman, but that was definitely the highlight of my day. [:
The Only Exception by Paramore makes me smile. It's so cute.  I love them, but their first album is much better, I think. & Now that I'm only on some of my painkillers, I really suck at not missing people. Like my best friend. & My other best friend. & My boyfriend. & My daughter. & I even miss my Canadian girl. Who knew I was social? Ahha, (: I suck. YES. I GET TO HARDCORE CREEP TOMORROW. Miranda & Brodie. Expect a creepy post. (:
I love my life.
I really do.

I got Mad Love for Christmas, I was pumped.
"Psychotic mass-murdering clowns, & the women who love them"

my two favorite boys♥

My lady love her Coffee Cup! She's so classy. I love her. & It's dishwasher safe!
So her mom doesn't have to get yelled at for forgetting anymore! Poor Mary. I miss her. 

June 5, 2010. ♥
I miss this night.
I miss her.
I miss the summer.
I miss how things were then, even if they're better now.

That's my girl! She's fantastic. [:
& Beautiful. 

OLD. OLD OLD.
June 11, 2010.
But I've always loved this picture?

♥

I'm Waldo. Find me. Love me? Always. (:
Thanks to Jess & Parker.

This is just a ramble about Hannah's life post, but enjoy. Because I'm a very happy girl right now. Even though I have a headache because of my painkillers, and I wish Parker was here with me, but that's nothing new.  I have the best people in the world here with me, and I hope I get to see the rest of them real soon. I really miss Skye. I hope I get to see that Illinois beauty soon. She deserves the world.
So, in short. I love you, if you're reading this. & You are amazing, & you're here for a reason.
Don't give up.
& Like the HCHS Marching Band will always sing:
DON'TSTOPBELIEVING♥

I'm not gonna deny it, I'm not tryin' to hide it,

I'm a slave for you;
Intoxicate me now, with your lovin' now, I think I'm ready now.

xx.

I like Christmas(: I'm happy. & Finally better. I just miss my boy. Like. A. Lot. Because I'm off drugs for the most part, and therefore, I'm awake now, and all I do is sit around because I didn't realize that I didn't have a life without my boyfriend. He took a snow picture for me last night! He's so sweet. Ahaa, he makes me giggle. Because I'm all squeaky and sound like a toddler on the phone now. HE MISSED IT. I KNOW HE DID. xD
We're just really creepy?
Yeah, love us. 

:D
I need to take one for him, because I have a functioning camera now!


Miranda Tivitt(:
I love this lady and her strange ways.
Her & Brodie are the cutest.


A Christmas Story. ♥
"YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT."
Best ever? Quite Possibly.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Because we all know I'm secretly a Griswold? Yeah, I thought so.

I MISS HIM.
&Little Lauren. She makes me smile. (:

WTF? Jimmy Rynerson is IMing me. I haven't seen him since the end of 8th grade when I signed his yearbook "I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU, JIMMY." Then he moved to Bowling Green. I know I look a lot different now, but that's kinda hard to forget what I did to him that year. o.0 Creep and a half.


Thanksgiving wasn't abusive or anything?
I MISS MY LA SO MUCH.


I'm just sending pointless happy faces as replies to Jimmy's retarded attempt at making small talk. I'm afraid to ask if he remembers me. o.0


That's my toothbrush.
Just saying..

My throat hurts, & I haven't had any meds today.
Mreh. Well this is a semi-good post?
I love you guys.♥
Merry Christmas. 

All I Want For Christmas,

ISYOU.
So, I'm a hundred times better today. [:
SCORE.

I love my Momma.

I miss Parker.

& My La.
But I'll see them soon.

I still don't think it feels like Christmas. 

Oh well.

I wish I could eat more.
It's been eight days.

I'm sorry all I post is crap these days.

No, I miss him a lot. |:

I'll be all better soon, I hope.

My hand is so tiny. |:
I miss him. 

So, here's some picture with random commentary to try and get this blog back to normal!


THIS IS MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE.
I'm attempting to eat one on Sunday.
Which me luck.
Because, I.WILL.EAT.A.BIG.MAC.SOON.
>.<
I'm determined.
And really really hungry.

"We Brought You Christmas!"

Jess & Parker came to see me today! (: Even though I fell asleep after like half an hour. But I'm doing tons better today. Wooo! Go Ha. [: But dad just went to go pick up the steroids that the doctor called in for me.
But, I now have a Waldo Shirt & Scarf, The Spongebob Movie on DVD, & other things that I don't feel like listing because I'm tired. & Have been up for two hours. GO ME. I've got the shakes again. It doesn't feel like Christmas. :|

&Ijustcantlookit'skillingme.

&TakingControl.

Hey. I'm pretty much just dying here. I need some La time before I go crazy. & I REALLY miss Parker.
Hopefully they can come over tomorrow. Because I miss my Jess & RyeRye too.
I'm doing a little better. Woo! /: Sleeping with the Heating Pad helps my neck/back & I'm still spitting junk out every two minutes because I have Thrush. But I have anti-biotics for that now! & As always, the Demerol so I don't hurt like hell.
LAUREN BROWN:
I love you, I think that you're amazing and you need to keep your chin up because you deserve to, even when I'm not here to help you. You got this, sweetheart, I know you do. ♥

& This:
http://wehaveareasonn.blogspot.com/2010/12/we-need-that-one-person.html

Made me smile a ton. Even though smiling is rather painful. Oh, btw, get your tonsils out while you're young. Because it's hell.

I'll try and make this more interesting soon.
xoxo.

Demerol Dreams.

Well, we got the rest of my meds yesterday, so I've been knocked out since then for the most part. & I just took some more, so my hands are going all crazy again; but I'm waiting on Mom to get home because she told me that she was gonna get some KFC Mashed Potatoes for me! Wooo! I miss Parker. I didn't get to see Che. The room is spinning, I'll be back whenever I wake up.


Six Hours Later:
Hi. Those potatoes didn't go so well. So I'm trying again. Actually, Momma's forcing me to eat something so I don't die. :| This isn't even worth posting. Later.

You're The Reason Why I'm Home.

GoRadio. 

My head is killer, and I don't have much to say, but here's a random/attempt to be cute in my high off of painkiller's state! Woo! On the bright side, I did manage to eat almost a full bowl of mashed potatoes! I'm proud, because it's the first thing I've eaten today. 

Today is enough. You don't need forever and always. You don't need promises of days that never come. Today is enough, you don't need the words that cannot possibly be true. Nothing is forever. Nothing lasts for always. Today should always be enough.

I miss you.

I want someone who won't care that I hate wearing shoes, that I'm incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning, and I refuse to be ladylike. Someone who realizes that half the decisions I make I usually regret, and I have the right to overreact at any given moment. I want someone who knows how completely insane I am, and he wouldn't want me any other way.

I was proud of myself for taking/editing this one!

I miss this day. I ate solid food, and was my loud self.
& I really sucked at Checkers. 

With you, it's like I hold on for some reason, even though every inch of me wants to let go.

Go Radio.
Do Over's & Second Chances.

'Cause baby, you're a firework. 

Baby, you keep my heart beating. <3

& I want to thank Cala Thomasson for keeping me positive with all of her Get Well Soon wishes for me all over my Facebook wall. [:

Give Me Novocain.

Because I'm out of my pain killers already, and I hurt, and Novocain always makes me feel better because I just go paralyzed. & Now that song is stuck in my head. I really wish that the Lora-Tabs I started out with hadn't made me itch, because they worked the best. :| Sigh- This sucks. I'm super swollen, and I kinda just want to cry. I'm so rough. I don't even know. Gah. FML much? Yeah. Dad won't let anyone come over for a couple more days, and that is just gay. Because Che is coming in today, and I miss La & Riah & Parker like none other. Oh my. I just want to sleep forever. & I'm out of Sprite. & I'm hungry, but I don't like how the Ice Cream sticks to my throat. I'm a wreck, and I'm sorry to whoever ends up reading this pessimistic post. It just hurts too much to talk and this is my way of ranting things out.  Here's some more pictures of my Hospital stay to entertain you; because I'm just gonna go on and say, that I looked like hell.

I had to keep the humor going somehow?
"Your Love is My Drug!" Aha, I was so stoned.

GIVE ME NOVOCAIN. (:
I try to stay happy?

Best Friends always make it better.
But really, That day was such a fag.

IV Lifeline. I'm not gonna lie,
 whenever they took that needle out of my hand,
I felt pretty great to be disconnected.

& Now you've seen just about every picture of me looking like crap with no tonsils and on painkillers. I'll try and have a more interesting post later, I guess it depends on what meds they get me on until they can get me more Demerol. Oh how my throat hurts. Oh dear. I hope I get better soon. I'd love to stop shaking too. Because it's taking me forever and a day to type. Anyway, thanks to everyone for the get well soon wishes and wall posts and everything. You guys keep me positive.
♥ 

Tales of The Tonsils.

So, I'm home now! & Drugged up, and tired and shaky. But La stayed the night with me and Momma, I passed out on Parker for about three hours, Mariah bought me Cake Batter Ice Cream, I threw a marker at mom because she made me mad at one A.M., I woke up in Recovery crying, mom told me I was stoned, and my hand is all swollen from my IV. But Lilija's card was waiting for me when I got home today. (: I have the greatest people in my life, even if I feel like I have a ton of cotton shoved in the back of my throat.

i love them.[:


he's such a nice boy.


i was alseep, and Rye was creepin'
But I like it?


She made a pilgrim face? I fell asleep as you can see.

SLEEP.

I'll write more when I'm feeling somewhat better.
I love you guys.