Points of Interest:
I got put on Anxiety Meds. They're helping. My chest doesn't hurt all of the time, I'm calmer and yeah. I'm happy about that.
I went to Caldwell, but I didn't get to see Che, however Erin and my Alioop are fantastic.
Parker and I broke up. Yeah. That's the biggie. Well, it was last night. I guess I just need to rant about it. It wasn't a bad break at all, in fact, it was mutual and we talked about it for almost two hours before we made the choice to call it quits, at least for a while. What can I say? That boy was and still is my best friend. I tell him everything. He's the one to make sure I'm okay no matter what the hell we've been arguing about. It's just, our relationship had gotten to the point where we drove each other crazy. We fought, more than we laughed. We yelled more than we talked. We had our good days, and when we did, they were absolutely wonderful. But then, then the good days came less frequently and then there was more bad than good. More harm than help, you know? But, we're still friends. We've been talking. I still care about him. I still want him in my life. We're each other's best friends and we know it. We're still going to Prom together. And you know what? I like that. I like that we were able to talk through that. I like that we're strong enough to not hate each other for no reason. I like that we're friends. I like that we still care about each other, even if it's not how it was. Don't get me wrong, before our relationship ended, I still missed how we were. As he said, we weren't always like that. We were happy. We loved each other. We really did. We both know it. It just sucks that we slipped out of that. Maybe we'll get it back. Maybe we won't. But he's still in my life, and I'm still in his. He asked if I ever noticed other guys. No, I don't. I don't know who the hell I was supposed to be with unless it was him. Have you ever fallen out of love? Don't. It sucks. Falling into it sucks too, but at least you've got someone there to hold you tight. Falling out of love, it's like you forget to hang on to each other and you just start to free fall and nothing can save you. I know that I still love him deep down. Maybe not like how I did, or maybe it's just on hold. But I do love him. I love him for everything that he's done for me over the past two years of my life. I love him for sticking by me when my friends left. I love him for standing by me when I refused to get help, and then applauding me when I finally did. I love him for the fact that he's him and he doesn't let anyone get in the way of that. I love him because, he loved me.
I won't lie.
November 16, 2010 - April 7, 2011 were the best days of my life.
I'm really glad that I got to be able to spend them with you.
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